


I Hate This Stupid Family

by hyperInactive



Series: Twinsweek 2018 [5]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Taako feels an Emotion, cute romance ft. a spying sister, day 5 of twinsweek, i love these boys, many Emotions actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-12 13:40:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13548483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyperInactive/pseuds/hyperInactive
Summary: Taako finally goes on another date with his Skeleton Reaper boyfriend, and feels a few Emotions.  also they have an...unexpected guest (that probably should have been expected).





	I Hate This Stupid Family

**Author's Note:**

> this is why i shouldnt write summaries when im tired. anyway ive never written taakitz in my life!!!!! but i like this!!!!!! also, i think im physically incapable of writing a fic that doesnt involve lup in some way, even a fic that centers around taakitz.

Taako knew it wasn’t smart going on a date to the same place twice.  It wasn’t classy.  Even if it wasn’t in a row, he still knew better.  But somehow, for some reason, he ended up back at the Chug n’ Squeeze for yet another couples night.  It had nothing to do with the fact that Kravitz looked so proud of his horrible vase, or the look in his eyes when he suggested going back.  Nope, nada, nothing.  It was just Taako making a very bad decision.  

 

A  _ worse _ decision, however, was telling his fucking sister.  

 

“My little brother’s first date!” She crooned, trying to pinch his cheek with her spectral hand.  It passed through his face with a chill.  Taako rolled his eyes.  

 

“We’re twins, and it’s like...our third date.” He corrected, turning to go upstairs.  Lup scoffed.  

 

“It’s the first date that I’m really around for, the last two I was stuck in my umbrella, remember?” She said, as if Taako could forget the year he spent carrying that umbrella with no idea she was trapped inside.  Taako turned back to look at her.  

 

“You’re not gonna try and give him the shovel talk, are you?  You do remember he’s literal death?  Capital ‘D’, Grim fucking Reaper, Death?”

 

“Of course I remember you’re dating Death, that’s the gothest fuckin’ thing you’ve ever done, bro.  I’m not gonna give him the shovel talk.” Lup said.  “ _ Yet _ .”

 

Taako shook his head, a fond smile creeping onto his face, and he went up to his room to get ready.  He could feel Lup behind him, following him up the stairs, but he didn’t try to stop her.  After all, he told her about the date so she could help him pick out an outfit.  She was the only person he trusted to stick with the Taako Brand.  

 

She once bet him that he couldn’t last a day in an outfit designed by Barry.  Taako won, but only because he didn’t leave the house or look in any mirrors.  From then on, Barry was banned from his closet.  

 

“What about this?” Lup said, pointing to a mauve floor length skirt.  Taako made a face.  

 

“I wore that for our second date.”

 

“M’kay then, this one?” This time it was a royal blue evening gown, one of their favorites.  Taako reverently held the fabric, then shook his head.  

 

“We’re not looking for opera level here, although that’s closer.”

 

“Oh, well these shoes for sure.” She tried to toss him his favorite heels, forgetting she couldn’t touch them.  He reached down and got them, grinning when he saw them. Glittery silver high heels, with a crescent moon of purple right on the toe.  Comfortable as hell, and a fashion statement to boot.  He loved these.  

 

“Gods, I can’t believe the condition these are in!” He said.  “After being on the Starblaster for a decade, you’d think they’d be worse than this.”

 

They spent the next two hours getting an outfit ready, which honestly was fast for the twins.  Taako figured it went faster because Lup wasn’t constantly taking breaks to try the clothes on herself, and act as a second model.  That usually added another hour and a half.  By the end of it though, Taako felt good.  He he had on a light blue blouse, with a deep purple pleated skirt and black leggings.  The heels finished it, and he had put his hair into an elaborate braid on his head.  He would have prefered Lup braid his hair, but that wasn’t possible right now.  Before he left the room, he grabbed a red parasol since he still wasn’t quite used to not having the Umbrastaff to hold onto, and Lup followed him back down the stairs.  

 

“Now, remember, be home before midnight, don’t drink and drive, and be safe, okay sweetie?” She said, sticking her head through the door as Taako shut it in her face.  

 

“Lulu I hate you.” He said.  She laughed.  

 

“I know, I’m terrible.  Love you too, have a good time.”

 

She pulled her head back into the house right as a rip opened in spacetime and Kravitz stepped through.  He looked surprised as Taako whirled around, leaning gracefully on the parasol with a sly smile. 

 

“‘Sup.” He said, kicking back a heel for good measure. Kravitz made his scythe disappear as the rift closed behind him, and a small smile appeared on his face. 

 

“Taako you….you look great.” 

 

“Aw geez, don’t be so sincere about it, babe, that’s gross.” Taako swung the parasol up to his shoulder and leaned onto Kravitz.  “But, yeah.  You look great too.”

 

“Are you ready to go?” Kravitz asked, chuckling lightly.  Taako raised his eyebrows. 

 

“Fuck yeah I’m ready, slice that bad boy up.”  

 

The next rift Kravitz opened led right to the front door of the Chug n’ Squeeze, and Taako noticed Kravitz’s eyes light up at the sight of the couples inside.  Fuckin’...ok.  Yeah.  That’s why he picked this place.  Call him sentimental, but he liked seeing Kravitz smile like that.  They pushed open the door to the pottery place and made their way to a table in the back.  They passed by Killian and Carey, who waved at them, and moved the chairs as close to each other as they could go without being unable to make pottery.  

 

“So, how’s the death plane post-end of the world?” Taako asked as they started forming the clay.  “All the Vore Hunger shit gone?”

 

“All the Hunger is gone, yes.” Kravitz shrugged.  “Some souls did escape after I set Legion free to help, but all the reapers have been working hard to get them back.”

 

“You’ve been workin’ so hard you’ve barely had time for lil’ ol’ me.” Taako replied.  Kravitz turned to him with a smile.

 

“Taako you know I always try to make time for you.  I’m sorry this is our first chance for a real date in a while.”

 

Taako waved him off, hiding the grin that threatened to spread across his face.  

 

“Yeah, I know.  Just can’t stay away from cha’boy.” 

 

The conversation tapered off after that, as they focused on their pottery.  It was plate night, technically, but Taako was making a vase.  He kept catching the eye of the same instructor over and over, just holding eye contact as he made his vase taller.  Kravitz sighed, shaking his head as he laughed. 

 

“We’re going to get kicked out of here one day, you know that right?” 

 

“It’s my mission to make these dudes so pissed off that they kick out one of the Seven Birds.” Taako grinned, winking at the instructor and making the neck of his vase.  

 

“That’s gonna take a while.” Kravitz said, a smile stretching across his face. 

 

“Guess we’ll just have to come back then, huh?” Taako wasn’t sure what he was doing.  He never went on multiple dates to the same place, much less  _ suggest _ it.  

 

Although...he rarely went on multiple dates with the same  _ person _ either.  As much as he hated to admit it, Kravitz was different.  

 

The date went smooth, or as smooth as a date with Taako could go.  They pissed off every instructor there, took advantage of the fact that A) Kravitz was dead and couldn’t get drunk, and B) Taako had a naturally high alcohol tolerance and could drink everybody but Lucretia under the table, and by the time they were nearly done with their pottery there were wine bottles strewn around their table.  

  
Once their pieces were done and baking in the kiln, they wandered outside for some fresh air.  Taako was just starting to feel a little tipsy, but he still had a fairly clear head.  Even so, his first thought was that he had hallucinated the flash of red in the corner of his eye.  Then he turned his head slightly and saw Lup’s lich form floating hidden in a bush.  He groaned internally and dropped his head on Kravitz’s shoulder.  He wasn’t sure whether to call her out and then alert Kravitz that she was there, since they still hadn’t talked about the whole lich-sister thing, or just ignore her.  

 

He decided on the second one, at least until they made their way to the side of the moon base where there were windows that overlooked Faerun.  There was a bench there, and the two of them sat down.  

 

“So we haven’t talked about you much tonight, which strikes me as rather odd.” Kravitz said with a wry smile.  “How has the post-apocalypse been treating you?”

 

“Eh, you know.  Not as many parades as I thought there’d be.” Taako shrugged.  Kravitz nudged his shoulder.  

 

“Is that it?” He asked.  He had gotten unfortunately good at seeing through Taako.  

 

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to Kravitz about Lup.  The exact opposite, in fact.  He just didn’t want to talk to Kravitz about Lup in the sense of her being technically undead.  He didn’t want to put his sister in danger, even if he knew Kravitz would rather talk it out.  After all, he got his own bounty thrown out through a card game.  He and Lup could talk their way out of anything.  And she’d been wanting to meet Kravitz and get all this sorted out.  It was tough to go back to the way he had been before the mindwipe, actually talking about shit rather than letting it fester, but with Lup back it was a bit easier.  She had always been the more open of the two of them, constantly reminding him that he could trust the rest of the Starblaster crew until even he started to consider them family.  

 

Fuck it.

 

“Actually, it’s been really nice.” Taako said, his voice quiet, like he was almost afraid that Kravitz would leave as soon as the words left him.  But Kravitz just cocked his head.  He seemed surprised.  It was the same look he had on their first date, when Taako admitted to feeling like no one else but the Bureau would have him.  At first he had thought it was a pitying look, but now he knew that Kravitz was genuinely interested in hearing about Taako and his feelings.  That was still an odd thing for Taako to realize.  

 

“Really?  That’s wonderful, Taako.  What’s been nice?”

 

Taako barely felt the smile that was on his face.  He’d been smiling a lot more since the Day of Story and Song, and he knew that was thanks to Lup.  

 

“Having my sister back.”

 

He could tell that Kravitz was conflicted between being interested in asking more, and doing his job.  So he turned his head and called out towards the bush where he was sure Lup was still hiding.  

 

“Yo Lulu, you can stop following us now.  We should talk about you and your whole...you know.” 

 

Almost immediately she appeared next to him, and it was only because of careful practice and muscle memory that he didn’t jump out of his skin.  Kravitz, however, wasn’t as trained.  And he did indeed jump literally out of his skin, the flesh disappearing and revealing his skull.  Taako put a hand on his arm. 

 

“Krav c’mon.  She’s fuckin’ stable, she’s not gonna flip out on us.  Just talk to her.” He said.  Kravitz paused, sighed, and then his face reappeared.  

 

“This is...unconventional, but I’ve already made exceptions for your group of bounties.” He looked uncomfortable, watching Lup apprehensively but thankfully not hostile.  “I can certainly make one to talk.”

 

Taako could just feel Lup’s grin.  

 

“So, ‘Ko, how’d the date go?” She made the illusion of leaning on the bench arm, by floating directly above it with her spectral arms crossed.  “Saw you makin’ some pottery, being all romantic and shit.”

 

“Gods, I hate this fucking family.” Taako rolled his eyes.  Lup snorted a laugh. 

 

“No, you don’t.  Now dish, c’mon I’m not getting any younger here.”

 

“Technically it’s not over, Lu, we’re just takin’ a breather to fix this bullshit about you being technically wanted for being undead.  Anyway, Krav, this is my sister Lup, usually we look alike but she’s kinda dead right now.  I know you technically already met but we were pretty busy then with the whole apocalypse.” Taako turned back to Kravitz, who seemed a little bit calmer.  

 

“‘Sup Ghost Rider, good to see you again.” Lup said.  

 

“Um, likewise, I guess.” Kravitz replied.  He was quiet for a moment, before he sighed.  “Alright, this might be out of line due to my job, but I’m very curious.  How are you so stable?  I’ve never met a lich as... _ normal _ as you and the, uh, the other one.”

 

“Barry.” Lup provided helpfully. Kravitz nodded.

 

“Yeah.  Him.  So...how do you stay so sane?”

 

Lup laughed.

 

“Listen, this is gonna sound like total Fantasy Barbie movie bullshit, but Barry can back me up on this since this was all his idea anyway.  It’s completely, one hundo percent the power of love.”  She said.  At the skeptical look on Kravitz’s face, she sighed and floated over until she was in front of Kravitz.  “I’m serious.  We’ve spent a century building bonds with each other, and my bonds with Taako have been fuckin’ diamond strong since birth.  That’s where we draw our strength.  Barry made a whole new ritual so that this worked, we aren’t your run of the mill liches, and we ain’t losing control any time soon.  You don’t have to worry about us.”

 

Kravitz studied her, lips pursed.  Then he leaned back.  

 

“I can’t promise anything, but for what it’s worth, I believe you.  I’ll talk to my Queen, and see if she can do anything.  I have an idea I can maybe run by her.”

 

Taako grinned and leaned against Kravitz.

 

“Thanks Bone Man, means a lot.” He mumbled, half hoping Kravitz wouldn’t hear, but feeling happy when Kravitz shifted in response so that they were even closer.  Lup giggled, and he glared at her.  He was never hearing the end of this.  

 

“M’kay, sorry for spying Koko, I’ll leave you alone to finish your date.  Glad we could clear this up though.” She said, a smug grin evident by her tone.  

 

“See ya at home, Lulu, don’t let Barry eat all my pancake leftovers!” Taako called as Lup zipped away.  There were a few seconds of silence before Kravitz spoke.

 

“She’s very…”

 

“Just like me?” Taako finished.  Kravitz laughed, putting his arm around Taako’s shoulders.  

 

“Yeah.  You, uh, you seem really happy when she’s around.”

 

“I am.” Taako answered quietly.  “Thanks for not goin’ all slice-n-dice as soon as she showed up.”

 

“It was the least I could do.  I love you, Taako, and she’s your family.  I’m going to do all I can to make sure she doesn’t end up in the Stockade.”

 

Taako felt his face flush and was very thankful he knew disguise spells.  

 

“I, um, love you too, Krav.  ‘snot something I’m used to saying but Lup’s been bugging me to tell people.  That just cost your one Taako Affection Token though, don’t expect anything else until you earn some more.”

 

Kravitz laughed and rested his chin on Taako’s head.  They drifted into a calm silence, and Taako looked out through the windows at Faerun far below.  It was gorgeous.  

  
As they watched the real moon pass by the moon base, Kravitz’s arm pulled Taako closer, and Taako realized that for the first time since he and Lup got accepted to the IPRE, his future was...bright.  He had his sister back, his  _ family _ back, the world was saved, and he had a smokin’ hot boyfriend who also happened to be death itself.  It was odd to say, since it hadn’t been really true in a while, but Taako was happy.  


End file.
